The Fearless Leader

  He is in the passenger seat of the 15 passenger van.after 5 weeks of manuring barns and and tedious labor he is finally free.his black felt hat bent up in the front and a tattered road atlas with which he dispenses needless route finding wisdom, he is on the road!"he" is an Amish man on the road again.
  It is interesting at how Amish men react once they are in a motor vehicle.they seem to find a new persona that is all about the open road and freedom.I think the frustration of watching a horse's hind end builds up to a cresendo and at the drop of a hat (3rd cousins wedding, dear great aunt sadies funeral, or the great spokane valley produce growers reunion) they hit the road with family in tow.
  After sweating and scrimping every day, all frugality flies out the window once the the key turns in the ignition.the milage fee the taxi driver charges them has no impact on them.they remind me of a drunken sailor on leave at port after six months at sea.they go everywhere!
Go here   Go there  no expense is spared and every shirt tail cousin In the community they are visiting is graced with their presence.they are at one place for dinner, the next for supper, then on to the next to spend the night.
  It is a common trick of the alpha male who gets the trip together and arranges the taxi driver to cram as many warm bodies imto the vehicle as possible.these warm bodies are fare paying relatives who lower the cost so he can go flying down the highway.once their destination is reached , the lower echelon is dropped and ditched at various houses until at last! It is just the alpha male and his family and the poor sleep deprived driver.then the fun begins....
  A few days later the van returns and the family returns to work.he's standing out in the barnyard, pitch fork in hand ,as a van goes past filled with neighbors heads out.a small tear rolls down his cheek as he sadly loads another load of cow manure.....
  The fun is over and back to reality.

Machets gute

The Double Tragedy

Well its happened again.a young man innocent as a bluebird here today and gone tomorrow. No explanation or reason.just another stat in the nexts days obituaries.
But its a tragedy. A real genuine gut twisting deep empty tragedy for the people who he leaves behind.its not just another stat.it is very real.many days of haunting emptiness and hopelessness are ahead.but things get better and things heal.time and love are the only cure for that kind of hole in a human heart.
But this raised a question for myself (everytime tragedys happen as a survivor you go through the same process of all those emotions again) what if my brother died for a reason? To show me something in my life that I needed correcting? And what if 5 years later, 10 years later, 30 years later, and up until the day I pass on,I have my head stuck in the eternal sands of selfishness and I never see why? And his death was all in tragic vain because it did me no good?
Wouldn't that actually be a bigger tragedy than my brother dying in the middle of a cold Iowa cornfield in the middle of the night?
I don't think God punishes people by striking loved ones from their life with a righteous wrath.but I do believe when he allows something like this to happen, he is asking each and every one of us to look inside of ourselves and do a little soul searching.not my neighbor, the guy beside me, or the guy one row over with a booze habit.Me.
So the question I have for myself and you is; do I really want to be a participator in a bigger tragedy? The loss of my loved one in vain?

Machets gute

My Pride

  It is funny how our biggest strengths often are also our biggest weaknesses.My pride is my Achilles heal.
  It is a strong,stubborn spirit that has got me thru many tough spots and also got me into many tough spots.it has hurt a lot of people that meant a lot to me but I never expressed my emotion or appreciation due to my pride.that would have required me knocking down some of my walls and and emotionally going out on a limb.
 
" NOOOOOO "shouts my pride.
  Pansy

  The Amish lifestyle in general does not encourage open forms of emotional appreciation such as "love you"and "miss you"and other such verbal encouragement.you become used to it and accept it and personally,I don't feel its all that bad.but an occasional one wouldn't hurt.
  " NOOOOOO"shouts my pride.
  When it comes to pride I got it with both barrels.on my fathers side ,we come from Daviess County, Indiana with a strong sense of our Swiss forefathers determination and backbone.
  On my mothers side its just as bad.my grandmother was pretty much a local legend for her grit and stubbornness.grandfather died of cancer and she raised the family up on her own thru sheer willpower.
  Genetically speaking,I'm screwed.
  My pride has kept me from holding little babies,hugging my family members and telling them I care,and overall kept me from being all that I can be.at my own brothers funeral I went thru the entire thing without shedding a tear.sheer pride.
  I never will be at peace until I harness my pride and pigheadedness and they become an asset,not a burden.

Machets gute

One Mans Wrath

note;for the sake of confidentuality the surname, for the main character in my little stories,is called Joe

part 1 [age 16] Poor Joe.He is in a very tough spot for a young man to be in.his father does not want to be amish and his mother escapes through alcohol.he is very confused and hurt at a critical point in his formative years due to his father leaving because he does not like the Amish lifestyle.it does not appear that his father even loves him.He realizes that his father is a monster and probably not the nicest person and as the first currents of a bitter,burning rage sweaps thru him he angrily vows that he will NOT be like his father.
  So when his father offers to buy him a brand new automobile to entice him to leave the Amish ,he tells him to bug off and turns him down.(being in the 1940s,this is a very impressive act for a young 16 year old kid to turn his back on a new car )
  He likes the Amish lifestyle but he joins the Amish church moreso to spite his father.he gets a quiet satisfaction from getting his revenge on his father by joining the church his father left.This is his first mistake.

part 2 [age 22]Joe is newly married to a nice quiet Amish girl.And as he stands there watching the birth of his first son he silently vows;"This son WILL grow up to be Amish like me.All that i have sacrificed to be Amish,then he better damn well be Amish to.He will grow up,marry,and give me many Amish grandchildren or else" This attitude is his second mistake.

part 3[age 30] He now has 8 children.His second to oldest son,who is 6,has accidentally broken a lantern while out helping do chores.he must be punished.so Joe grabs a strap and commences to beat his poor scared young son who has no idea what he did wrong or why his father is beating him with so much anger.visiting cousins watch in stunned horror as his son rolls across the floor crying and screaming in pain as Joe follows him,beating,beating ,beating......Joe does not realize he is doing anything wrong so you cannot really blame him.In his mind he is purifying his young son thru phsyical disciplent so that his son will NEVER grow up to be a monster like Joes father.This is not the first time it happens nor the last.Many minor offences are remedied by spanking his children as a smoldering righteous wrath sweeps thru him.In a twisted way he loves his children so much that he tries to physically beat the evil right out of them.This is his 3rd mistake.

part 4[age 45]Poor Joe.His wife died leaving him with 12 children.so he remarried a widow woman who has 4 children of her own.After all hes been thru hes becoming suspiciuos that God hates him.As much as hes tried to purify his children from evil,its not working.His oldest children have reached the age where he can no longer phsyically disciplne them.They respect him and fear him yes,but they are always getting into trouble and are running off and buying cars and drinking beer.Joe is very confused ,he does not understand why.And he is angry.After all hes been thru and all the sacrifices hes made to be Amish,these rotten little bastards arent listening.so he turns around and tries even harder on his younger children.there is nothing that a good spanking cant fix.

part 5[age 55]Poor Joe.the wheels are coming off the bus.besides one hiccup on his 3rd son,it had looked like his harsh disciplent had paid off.after going out into the world most of his children had returned and joined the Amish church due to his tough love[he thought].The more harsher truth is that most of his children joined the Amish church because they were scared of him yet and they wanted to get him off their ass.So they dont really understand the church they are joining or what it stands for but do it because they want to please their father and earn some acceptance in his eyes.and also to escape his physcological abuse.He is proud.IT WORKED.due to all his hard work his children have joined the Amish church.But there is trouble.
 Due to his children joining the Amish church for mostly the wrong reasons and not really understanding what their father ordered them to believe,they slowly but surely become disenchanted and start to leave one by one untill over the years,out of his 12 blood children,only 4 remain Amish.

present day [age 76]As the poor lonely,empty old man sits in his recliner scouring his Bible to reenforce his ideals and convictions so that he does not have to admit he did anything wrong,he is sad and confused.Most of his children live 100s of miles away and only come to see him on the holidays or for a few days at a time.he is very lonely because he does not have a close emotional relationship with any of his children.he can connect with them on talk of business and the weather but when it comes to actual emotions and words like "i love you" and "im sorry i screwed up" its just not there.he is sad because all that he worked so hard for is empty.most of his children and his grandchildren are not Amish.his legacy is shot.


i pity this old man.as he sits there sad and lonely in his last days,he could fix stuff.he could call all his children home and tell them"im sorry.i didnt treat you right when you were children.i screwed up.will you please forgive me?" the opportunity for forgiveness and reconciliation is there.he could die a happy man surrounded by 16 children who forgave him and love him.but he cant.his pride would never allow him to acknowledge him to admit hes wrong.he has become the very monster that his father was.Poor Joe.


In hindsight his biggest mistake?he never understood the power of leading by example and inspiring his children to join the Amish church for the right reasons.he chose the path of wrath and force.

  Machets Gute

The survivor

He is usually a lonely person.everyone likes him but secretly thinks hes a little weird. And he is weird.he knows it.
Hes not the best in sports.or blessed with movie star looks.never will be the top guy on the construction crew.thats just not him.
He has different ideas and outlooks.most of the people around him dont think like he does.so they laugh at him and poke a little fun at him.he knows.but he doesnt care.
People take advantage of him all the time.and they run around snickering because they really screwed him.but most of the time they didnt,he knew what they were doing but went along with it.because it looked like they needed it more than him.he secretly gets the last laugh.
On the surface its looks like he rarely wins.he is merely the carpet that the world treads on.but deep down hes laughing.because he was laughing long before they showed up and hell be laughing long after they leave,the lumps and bruises of life can leave what scars that they want.
Ladies and gentlemen,i present to you.

The survivor

The signs

  The signs are showing up.all around us as we drive down the road.there is something in the air and it smells really good.spring is coming!!!
  After suffering through depressing January and trying to shed the excess holiday pounds life can get pretty monotonous in a small town.but then one day you look around and realize......Eureka!!! Spring is going to be here in a bit.
  Were talking warm weather,long days in the sun,having a cold beer on a summer night,swimming,running around in flip flops,and on and on.
  It beats the heck outta long nights cooped up inside waiting for something to happen.the only thing we've had to look forward to is catching a cold for petes sake.bring on the heat,long days,and hard work.
  Springs coming and i cant wait!!!"

  Machets gute

Ps.Kiss my rock hard glutes winter

This is not a football game

Tragedy has struck.two young local guys are dead.i knew both of them but cant honestly say i was their best friend. The entire town is in mourning,this is the awesome part of a small town.
  The funeral for one was today and the next one tomorrow. People that didnt have the time to say hello a week ago are suddenly their best friends and are loudly proclaiming how they will never forget.it is just sad that they didnt take the time to express their emotion while they were still alive.but this is human nature and has to be excused.
  I have some bitter experience with this but you eventually learn to forgive people.its just sad how we fight to be their best friend.after their dead.i didnt go to either funeral nor visitation simply due to the fact i am a chicken.after my own experience with some one close to me i just dont have the guts to face death when it happens so young.
  But on to my point.these two young men were drinking beer when this tragedy happened.and it didnt take long for the first murmerings to start boiling to the surface.
  Human beings taking it upon themselves to judge other human beings.
  Just hearing the story on the street and passing judgement.without knowing these guys.without knowing how it went for them in their last moments.without knowing how they lived their live.just cold hard judgement.
  Now unfortunately this is most rampant among the local amish and Mennonite people.i had the opportunity to fully experience this when my brother was killed in a car accident about exactly 4 years ago.and its hard to take.
  Why do us humans think that such a supreme being as God actually need our help in judging someone?is it because we think what "good" people we are that we are just one notch below God?i rest my case.
  This is not a football game.God does not need our help in the replay booth.so pray and just try to live your life a little better.
  And thats all i have to say about that.

  Machets gute

Why be Amish?

  This is the question that the general public often asks me.people will talk to me for 30 minutes then look around and ask"but why?"
  I mean who trades in electricity, cars,direct tv,and internet access for horse shit,hard work,meager existence, and 3 hour church services on a hard wooden bench?you have to be bloody nuts right?
  It doesnt help matters that most amish people you ask dont really know how to explain it.they usually rattle off the old familiar punchlines about "inner peace"and "humbleness"and "tradition". so the only reason you joined the amish church is because the last 16 generations of your family did and you dont want to stick out in the crowd?there HAS to be more to it.
  So i have studied on it for years.why would i want to be amish?
  I burned through many theories and rubbage trying to understand a complicated situation. And this is the closest thing i can come to a conclusion.the simplicity
  Now we have all heard the saying"ignorance is bliss"and had a hearty,scornful chuckle.but this saying is true.if you can view "ignorance"more as "contentment".most amish people dont want to be cool. They dont want to be famous.they just want to die at a ripe old age surrounded by a 150 grandchildren.
  Now you can not appreciate this until you have been at the funeral of an old amish patriarch. Immediate family alone will normally be 8&9 kids with around a 100 grandkids and another 30 great grandchildren.all gathered at one spot to the source of it all to lay their role model to rest.there is just something really profound in this and i cant quite put my finger on it.
  But i am not a highly religious person so i wont preach to you but i do genuinely believe that the amish lifestyle makes it a lot easier to love nature and be close to God.there is just something about it.
  You know how every once in a while you will stop and admire a sunrise or watch a squirrel while walking your dog and you achieve this sense of peace and contentment while doing it?
  Now really think into it and compare the two lifestyles then ask yourself,which one really leads to peace and happiness?
  Just a thought:)

  Machets gute

The great quandary

(Warning!this is about to get extremely deep dark and depressing.so if your not in the mood quit while your ahead.)
  I am in a black confused mood again.but through all of this i have had a physiological breakthrough of magnificent proportion.so yes good things happen out of darkness.
  Now what im about to talk about either you get or dont get.black or white,very simple:)there have been recent happenings in our small amish community where a great evil has crept in.it is very obvious what it is yet due to all its support it goes unstemmed.people are waking up slowly to it but nobody can do anything about due to the rules they have to abide by.so this evil continues to grow due to their great ability to hide behind their bible,church rules,and plain clothes.they use their own "perfectness"and piety to mercilessly whip the people around them into doing their will.and it is doing great harm.people are upset,confused,and very fragile at this point.an entire amish community hangs at the brink yet the people who see it are semi-bound to stop it due to the rules and old tradition that they have yoked themselves with.
  So this leads to my breakthrough.i have grown up amish and want to be amish but yet cant quite be Amish. Why?i have asked myself often.and have gotten nowhere.
  The great monkey on my back i finally realized is that in the amish evil exists.but human beings use their bible,rules,and clothes to cover this up and they are decidely not very Christian. Hypocrisy and self righteousness rule the day.it is more inportant to have 16 folds in your dress hem than to love your neighbor.stridently obeying the man made rules is the path to heaven.
  So to a young man looking at this, the choice is obvious.there are other churches.these shining cities on the hill are the very picture of perfection.these christians boldly whip around you in their min vans while jamming out to their gospel music and it is clear they are not having the troubles that you are.there is no disease in these places.the grass is sooo much greener on the other side of the fence.
  WRONG!!!!!!listen carefully.any place on gods green earth where there are human beings,religion,and church;there is evil.most of the time it is subdued but in some instances it gains the upper hand.
  So you can run.run to that shining of example of perfection on the hill.once you get there you will see evil again.so run again.find another perfect church.but once you get there it will be waiting on you again.your old friends.hypocrisy, self righteousness, people using their power to do what they want while claiming to do gods will.looks pretty hopeless huh?
  So maybe it isnt the evil.maybe its you?maybe you need to realize that no matter where you go and are involved in a society mixing human beings and religion then these things will follow you?
  That is why i have reached the conclusion that until i have reached the point and made peace with the fact that evil will be hounding me every step of the way for my entire life no matter where i go or run to,where ever i go human beings around me will sometimes use their bible to hide their selfish motives and to their own gain.there will be wolves in sheep clothes whereever i go.until i come to grips with this i will not be joining any church whatsoever.

  Machets gute

And so goes the legend of Bonnie and Clyde.....

  (Lebanon Levi and his gang of overgrown punks are to be pitied.In the normal world the Amish mafia cast would be the 30 somethings who graduate college and live in their parents basement and get really good at "world of warcraft"and other video games.i really do pity these guys because the world is going around and leaving them behind.but if you are interested in hearing about a pair of genuine died in the wool amish outlaws than i am fully prepared to regale you with the tale!!)
  Bonnie and Clyde are my team of belgium draft horses.Clyde was originally named A.J.(after buckeye linebacking great A.J. Hawk). my brother in law borrowed the team one summer long ago and when he brought them back he informed me he renamed him clyde.(he never did ask to loan them again.)
  But to fully appreciate the story we have to go back to the beginning.one day dad came home from the horse sale with a pair of broke back old belgium nags called "meelie" and "teelie".now "teelie "begat bonnie and several years later bonnie mothered clyde.by the photos you can see what a well matched pair of Belgium draft horses they are.
  Now growing up i never really was that fond of draft horses.to put it politely they scared the crap outta me.i was always content to sit back and let my older brothers drive the draft horses but like always,good things come to an end.
  When i was 13 my older brother left the farm to get a job at a saw mill and here i was having to suddenly maintain the farm on my own while having a deep rooted fear of these monstrous beasts.and i had every right to be scared.
  Now i think horses can smell fear because these two had absolutely no respect for me.harnessing them up and getting them outside to get them attached together was a rodeo in itsself.but then the real fun began.
  Immediately after untieing them from the hitch rack these two beasts(weighing app.2500 pounds apiece)  would take off like scared rabbits with little to no regard for the poor snot nosed kid hanging onto the lines for dear life as they would go plowing through the snow with me skidding along behind yelling every profanity my meager vocabulary afforded me at the time.
  They thoroughly enjoyed these little terror filled jaunts but eventually i toughed up and adjusted to the situation. They didnt really calm down,i just learned all their tricks after numerous run aways and such i gradually became numb to it and rather enjoyed the excitement when i became used to it.
  Now all guys know what a testerone filled age of life is when your a 15-18 year old boy.in front of your friends you are invincible and absolutely fearless.i never really fell for this hogwash and was more practical to the point of i wouldnt do something stupid just to prove myself because i didnt have any urge to mangle my body to earn the respect of my peers.
  Now one day we had a wood cutting frolic back on my brothers land and two of these fearless lads showed up to help me.
  Bonnie and clyde were up to their usual shenanigans and after several "adventures "we made it to my brothers land to cut wood.(by this time it was just another day at the office for me and it didnt dawn on me that most draft horses were a bit more docile than mine).my two friends (which shall remain nameless)hoped on the back of the wagon and i took off down the valley to go cut some wood.
  About halfway down the valley we came upon this low water crossing across a harmless little creek.now Clyde took it upon himself to develop a sudden hydrophobia of water(without notifying me)and when forced to cross the creek he chose to deal with it in a dramatic fashion by suddenly turning and wildly galloping up the steep tree filled valley side with the wagon and its occupants still attached.
  Now after overcoming the initial shock i recovered and got the team under control.only to turn around and discover that my two "macho man"pictures of invincibility had abandoned me at the foot of the hill.
  I got turned around and back down on the trail where my whitefaced friends were and told them to get back on the wagon.but they hurriedly concluded that it was a beautiful morning and they would just as soon walk the rest of the way.and after that day they always defered to me with a very sobering respect lol
  But all stories aside i wouldnt trade bonnie and clyde for a million dollars.the level of excitement they bring to everyday farm life is priceless.but they are genuine Amish outlaws......

    Machets gute

The (supposed) cultural gap

  Most people think that there lies a huge gulf between the amish and modern society.that the amish still use smoke signals(ha ha)and have barn dances and are completely clueless to what goes on beyond their normal life.and that is true to a certain point but not completely.
  Let me give you an illustration.this is a tale of two people;
  The first one was born in rural ohio in a average american home.she grew up,attended high school and had a very normal life.she wound up marrying a young man who was just getting started in the logging business and they had 3 daughters.
  Life was going great until one day she received the worse of worst news.she was diagnosed with MS.now she faced a life of being in a wheelchair and decling health.
  Now while most people would have recoiled and shrunk back into their shell;her inner toughness appeared.i am sure she struggled with it a lot and i cant began to imagine how it would be to come to grips with something like that.
  But everytime i talked to her or saw her she always was in a good mood and you could never get a word ahead of her.and to this day she is one of my "buddies" and a powerful inspiration.
  Now for person number two.she was born and raised on a small amish farm in rural missouri.her days consisted of getting up in the morning and milking cows and helping mow hay and getting into mischief with her many sisters.
  But at age 10 or 11 tragedy struck.her father had cancer.life as she knew it was completely upside down.
  A few short months later her father died and now she and her 6 sisters and one older brother were left to carve a living out of a small farm with nothing but a dairy herd and draft horses.
  Due to just having one brother her and her sisters had to step up and take over their share of the manuel labor.they did so willingly but money was always scarce.
  She grew up and joined the amish church and never got married.today she is a wonderful person to be around and cleans houses for a living.
  Now what do these two strong,independent women who grew up hundreds of miles apart in completely different cultures (and have never met in their lives)have in common?
  Me.i am proud to say they are both my aunts.

    Machets gute

My fear of religion

  The subject i am about to tackle resonates among young men of the anabaptist faith everywhere.it is a subject that is rarely discussed but i feel the urge to delve into it.
  I find myself at a crossroads in life and therefore am being forced to face and resolve issues that i have laid dormant for many of my formative years.
  To bite the bullet and join a society governed by a set of rules set by my peers?
  This goes much deeper than that.growing up my father always struggled with giving himself under a society governed by his peers compared to deciding on his own what was wrong and right or black or white.many members of this society simply viewed this as plain rebellion or a lack of spiritual life.or was it simply a genetic restlessness that was handed to him by his forefathers before him?either way he was abundantly blessed with a restless spirit and a stubborn nature(which does not bode well in a society bases on humbleness and "one anothering")
  He struggled his entire life with these rules and battled them constantly.the question i see is;is spiritualism and disciple wrongly hinged together?
  A father spanking his child for obeying a rule he had made and a society punishing a membor for violating certain rules have a lot in common.
  Does the father (or society)have the right to mete out "tough love"on material restrictions they have made themselves(like an r rated movie or driving your bosses truck)or are they taking on more responsibility than they were designed to do as mortal human beings?
  This is the heart of the issue.if you join an anabaptist society you have to realize that you will be judged by your spiritual peers and you have to be able to accept that and mentally deal with it.if you dont properly think these things out and accept them then you will struggle with these things for many years.
  But there are also many positives.you are looking at being in an environment of good fellowship and good examples that care about your well being and treat you as a brother in arms.a society in life that will pick you up when you fall or help you rebuild your machine shed if it burns down.a group of people that genuinely cares about your well being for the rest of your life.
  But a natural pessimist like me sees an opportunity for politically motivated abuse by my peers if i dare question their line of thought. In plain words the pessimistic side of me sees a trap.
  Will i give myself up and join the society of my forefathers?my natural instinct says yes but my restless nature still questions.i think this subject requires more time and thought before reaching a conclusion.i am my fathers son.

   Machets gute