The Fearless Leader

  He is in the passenger seat of the 15 passenger van.after 5 weeks of manuring barns and and tedious labor he is finally free.his black felt hat bent up in the front and a tattered road atlas with which he dispenses needless route finding wisdom, he is on the road!"he" is an Amish man on the road again.
  It is interesting at how Amish men react once they are in a motor vehicle.they seem to find a new persona that is all about the open road and freedom.I think the frustration of watching a horse's hind end builds up to a cresendo and at the drop of a hat (3rd cousins wedding, dear great aunt sadies funeral, or the great spokane valley produce growers reunion) they hit the road with family in tow.
  After sweating and scrimping every day, all frugality flies out the window once the the key turns in the ignition.the milage fee the taxi driver charges them has no impact on them.they remind me of a drunken sailor on leave at port after six months at sea.they go everywhere!
Go here   Go there  no expense is spared and every shirt tail cousin In the community they are visiting is graced with their presence.they are at one place for dinner, the next for supper, then on to the next to spend the night.
  It is a common trick of the alpha male who gets the trip together and arranges the taxi driver to cram as many warm bodies imto the vehicle as possible.these warm bodies are fare paying relatives who lower the cost so he can go flying down the highway.once their destination is reached , the lower echelon is dropped and ditched at various houses until at last! It is just the alpha male and his family and the poor sleep deprived driver.then the fun begins....
  A few days later the van returns and the family returns to work.he's standing out in the barnyard, pitch fork in hand ,as a van goes past filled with neighbors heads out.a small tear rolls down his cheek as he sadly loads another load of cow manure.....
  The fun is over and back to reality.

Machets gute

The Double Tragedy

Well its happened again.a young man innocent as a bluebird here today and gone tomorrow. No explanation or reason.just another stat in the nexts days obituaries.
But its a tragedy. A real genuine gut twisting deep empty tragedy for the people who he leaves behind.its not just another stat.it is very real.many days of haunting emptiness and hopelessness are ahead.but things get better and things heal.time and love are the only cure for that kind of hole in a human heart.
But this raised a question for myself (everytime tragedys happen as a survivor you go through the same process of all those emotions again) what if my brother died for a reason? To show me something in my life that I needed correcting? And what if 5 years later, 10 years later, 30 years later, and up until the day I pass on,I have my head stuck in the eternal sands of selfishness and I never see why? And his death was all in tragic vain because it did me no good?
Wouldn't that actually be a bigger tragedy than my brother dying in the middle of a cold Iowa cornfield in the middle of the night?
I don't think God punishes people by striking loved ones from their life with a righteous wrath.but I do believe when he allows something like this to happen, he is asking each and every one of us to look inside of ourselves and do a little soul searching.not my neighbor, the guy beside me, or the guy one row over with a booze habit.Me.
So the question I have for myself and you is; do I really want to be a participator in a bigger tragedy? The loss of my loved one in vain?

Machets gute

My Pride

  It is funny how our biggest strengths often are also our biggest weaknesses.My pride is my Achilles heal.
  It is a strong,stubborn spirit that has got me thru many tough spots and also got me into many tough spots.it has hurt a lot of people that meant a lot to me but I never expressed my emotion or appreciation due to my pride.that would have required me knocking down some of my walls and and emotionally going out on a limb.
 
" NOOOOOO "shouts my pride.
  Pansy

  The Amish lifestyle in general does not encourage open forms of emotional appreciation such as "love you"and "miss you"and other such verbal encouragement.you become used to it and accept it and personally,I don't feel its all that bad.but an occasional one wouldn't hurt.
  " NOOOOOO"shouts my pride.
  When it comes to pride I got it with both barrels.on my fathers side ,we come from Daviess County, Indiana with a strong sense of our Swiss forefathers determination and backbone.
  On my mothers side its just as bad.my grandmother was pretty much a local legend for her grit and stubbornness.grandfather died of cancer and she raised the family up on her own thru sheer willpower.
  Genetically speaking,I'm screwed.
  My pride has kept me from holding little babies,hugging my family members and telling them I care,and overall kept me from being all that I can be.at my own brothers funeral I went thru the entire thing without shedding a tear.sheer pride.
  I never will be at peace until I harness my pride and pigheadedness and they become an asset,not a burden.

Machets gute

One Mans Wrath

note;for the sake of confidentuality the surname, for the main character in my little stories,is called Joe

part 1 [age 16] Poor Joe.He is in a very tough spot for a young man to be in.his father does not want to be amish and his mother escapes through alcohol.he is very confused and hurt at a critical point in his formative years due to his father leaving because he does not like the Amish lifestyle.it does not appear that his father even loves him.He realizes that his father is a monster and probably not the nicest person and as the first currents of a bitter,burning rage sweaps thru him he angrily vows that he will NOT be like his father.
  So when his father offers to buy him a brand new automobile to entice him to leave the Amish ,he tells him to bug off and turns him down.(being in the 1940s,this is a very impressive act for a young 16 year old kid to turn his back on a new car )
  He likes the Amish lifestyle but he joins the Amish church moreso to spite his father.he gets a quiet satisfaction from getting his revenge on his father by joining the church his father left.This is his first mistake.

part 2 [age 22]Joe is newly married to a nice quiet Amish girl.And as he stands there watching the birth of his first son he silently vows;"This son WILL grow up to be Amish like me.All that i have sacrificed to be Amish,then he better damn well be Amish to.He will grow up,marry,and give me many Amish grandchildren or else" This attitude is his second mistake.

part 3[age 30] He now has 8 children.His second to oldest son,who is 6,has accidentally broken a lantern while out helping do chores.he must be punished.so Joe grabs a strap and commences to beat his poor scared young son who has no idea what he did wrong or why his father is beating him with so much anger.visiting cousins watch in stunned horror as his son rolls across the floor crying and screaming in pain as Joe follows him,beating,beating ,beating......Joe does not realize he is doing anything wrong so you cannot really blame him.In his mind he is purifying his young son thru phsyical disciplent so that his son will NEVER grow up to be a monster like Joes father.This is not the first time it happens nor the last.Many minor offences are remedied by spanking his children as a smoldering righteous wrath sweeps thru him.In a twisted way he loves his children so much that he tries to physically beat the evil right out of them.This is his 3rd mistake.

part 4[age 45]Poor Joe.His wife died leaving him with 12 children.so he remarried a widow woman who has 4 children of her own.After all hes been thru hes becoming suspiciuos that God hates him.As much as hes tried to purify his children from evil,its not working.His oldest children have reached the age where he can no longer phsyically disciplne them.They respect him and fear him yes,but they are always getting into trouble and are running off and buying cars and drinking beer.Joe is very confused ,he does not understand why.And he is angry.After all hes been thru and all the sacrifices hes made to be Amish,these rotten little bastards arent listening.so he turns around and tries even harder on his younger children.there is nothing that a good spanking cant fix.

part 5[age 55]Poor Joe.the wheels are coming off the bus.besides one hiccup on his 3rd son,it had looked like his harsh disciplent had paid off.after going out into the world most of his children had returned and joined the Amish church due to his tough love[he thought].The more harsher truth is that most of his children joined the Amish church because they were scared of him yet and they wanted to get him off their ass.So they dont really understand the church they are joining or what it stands for but do it because they want to please their father and earn some acceptance in his eyes.and also to escape his physcological abuse.He is proud.IT WORKED.due to all his hard work his children have joined the Amish church.But there is trouble.
 Due to his children joining the Amish church for mostly the wrong reasons and not really understanding what their father ordered them to believe,they slowly but surely become disenchanted and start to leave one by one untill over the years,out of his 12 blood children,only 4 remain Amish.

present day [age 76]As the poor lonely,empty old man sits in his recliner scouring his Bible to reenforce his ideals and convictions so that he does not have to admit he did anything wrong,he is sad and confused.Most of his children live 100s of miles away and only come to see him on the holidays or for a few days at a time.he is very lonely because he does not have a close emotional relationship with any of his children.he can connect with them on talk of business and the weather but when it comes to actual emotions and words like "i love you" and "im sorry i screwed up" its just not there.he is sad because all that he worked so hard for is empty.most of his children and his grandchildren are not Amish.his legacy is shot.


i pity this old man.as he sits there sad and lonely in his last days,he could fix stuff.he could call all his children home and tell them"im sorry.i didnt treat you right when you were children.i screwed up.will you please forgive me?" the opportunity for forgiveness and reconciliation is there.he could die a happy man surrounded by 16 children who forgave him and love him.but he cant.his pride would never allow him to acknowledge him to admit hes wrong.he has become the very monster that his father was.Poor Joe.


In hindsight his biggest mistake?he never understood the power of leading by example and inspiring his children to join the Amish church for the right reasons.he chose the path of wrath and force.

  Machets Gute

The survivor

He is usually a lonely person.everyone likes him but secretly thinks hes a little weird. And he is weird.he knows it.
Hes not the best in sports.or blessed with movie star looks.never will be the top guy on the construction crew.thats just not him.
He has different ideas and outlooks.most of the people around him dont think like he does.so they laugh at him and poke a little fun at him.he knows.but he doesnt care.
People take advantage of him all the time.and they run around snickering because they really screwed him.but most of the time they didnt,he knew what they were doing but went along with it.because it looked like they needed it more than him.he secretly gets the last laugh.
On the surface its looks like he rarely wins.he is merely the carpet that the world treads on.but deep down hes laughing.because he was laughing long before they showed up and hell be laughing long after they leave,the lumps and bruises of life can leave what scars that they want.
Ladies and gentlemen,i present to you.

The survivor

The signs

  The signs are showing up.all around us as we drive down the road.there is something in the air and it smells really good.spring is coming!!!
  After suffering through depressing January and trying to shed the excess holiday pounds life can get pretty monotonous in a small town.but then one day you look around and realize......Eureka!!! Spring is going to be here in a bit.
  Were talking warm weather,long days in the sun,having a cold beer on a summer night,swimming,running around in flip flops,and on and on.
  It beats the heck outta long nights cooped up inside waiting for something to happen.the only thing we've had to look forward to is catching a cold for petes sake.bring on the heat,long days,and hard work.
  Springs coming and i cant wait!!!"

  Machets gute

Ps.Kiss my rock hard glutes winter

This is not a football game

Tragedy has struck.two young local guys are dead.i knew both of them but cant honestly say i was their best friend. The entire town is in mourning,this is the awesome part of a small town.
  The funeral for one was today and the next one tomorrow. People that didnt have the time to say hello a week ago are suddenly their best friends and are loudly proclaiming how they will never forget.it is just sad that they didnt take the time to express their emotion while they were still alive.but this is human nature and has to be excused.
  I have some bitter experience with this but you eventually learn to forgive people.its just sad how we fight to be their best friend.after their dead.i didnt go to either funeral nor visitation simply due to the fact i am a chicken.after my own experience with some one close to me i just dont have the guts to face death when it happens so young.
  But on to my point.these two young men were drinking beer when this tragedy happened.and it didnt take long for the first murmerings to start boiling to the surface.
  Human beings taking it upon themselves to judge other human beings.
  Just hearing the story on the street and passing judgement.without knowing these guys.without knowing how it went for them in their last moments.without knowing how they lived their live.just cold hard judgement.
  Now unfortunately this is most rampant among the local amish and Mennonite people.i had the opportunity to fully experience this when my brother was killed in a car accident about exactly 4 years ago.and its hard to take.
  Why do us humans think that such a supreme being as God actually need our help in judging someone?is it because we think what "good" people we are that we are just one notch below God?i rest my case.
  This is not a football game.God does not need our help in the replay booth.so pray and just try to live your life a little better.
  And thats all i have to say about that.

  Machets gute