The great quandary

(Warning!this is about to get extremely deep dark and depressing.so if your not in the mood quit while your ahead.)
  I am in a black confused mood again.but through all of this i have had a physiological breakthrough of magnificent proportion.so yes good things happen out of darkness.
  Now what im about to talk about either you get or dont get.black or white,very simple:)there have been recent happenings in our small amish community where a great evil has crept in.it is very obvious what it is yet due to all its support it goes unstemmed.people are waking up slowly to it but nobody can do anything about due to the rules they have to abide by.so this evil continues to grow due to their great ability to hide behind their bible,church rules,and plain clothes.they use their own "perfectness"and piety to mercilessly whip the people around them into doing their will.and it is doing great harm.people are upset,confused,and very fragile at this point.an entire amish community hangs at the brink yet the people who see it are semi-bound to stop it due to the rules and old tradition that they have yoked themselves with.
  So this leads to my breakthrough.i have grown up amish and want to be amish but yet cant quite be Amish. Why?i have asked myself often.and have gotten nowhere.
  The great monkey on my back i finally realized is that in the amish evil exists.but human beings use their bible,rules,and clothes to cover this up and they are decidely not very Christian. Hypocrisy and self righteousness rule the day.it is more inportant to have 16 folds in your dress hem than to love your neighbor.stridently obeying the man made rules is the path to heaven.
  So to a young man looking at this, the choice is obvious.there are other churches.these shining cities on the hill are the very picture of perfection.these christians boldly whip around you in their min vans while jamming out to their gospel music and it is clear they are not having the troubles that you are.there is no disease in these places.the grass is sooo much greener on the other side of the fence.
  WRONG!!!!!!listen carefully.any place on gods green earth where there are human beings,religion,and church;there is evil.most of the time it is subdued but in some instances it gains the upper hand.
  So you can run.run to that shining of example of perfection on the hill.once you get there you will see evil again.so run again.find another perfect church.but once you get there it will be waiting on you again.your old friends.hypocrisy, self righteousness, people using their power to do what they want while claiming to do gods will.looks pretty hopeless huh?
  So maybe it isnt the evil.maybe its you?maybe you need to realize that no matter where you go and are involved in a society mixing human beings and religion then these things will follow you?
  That is why i have reached the conclusion that until i have reached the point and made peace with the fact that evil will be hounding me every step of the way for my entire life no matter where i go or run to,where ever i go human beings around me will sometimes use their bible to hide their selfish motives and to their own gain.there will be wolves in sheep clothes whereever i go.until i come to grips with this i will not be joining any church whatsoever.

  Machets gute